The Abridged

START OFF TOPIC

Lance: Why hello there Luna.
Luna: Oh, what are you doing awake?
Lance: I don’t like lying around.
Luna: Well, are you sure? Because we could go and-
Casper: Who’s there?
Luna: Oh! Err…who are you?

Lance: Get out or I’ll shoot! *Holds pistol awkwardly*
Casper: Alright then… *Walks away*
Luna: …Wait!
Lance: You won’t survive that long, come back!

Casper: *Scowls at Lance as he comes in*
Luna: Can I talk to you, Lance?
Lance: What you want to say, stupid hooker?
Luna: Be nice to the boy, alright?
Lance: Don’t be telling me what to do or I’ll-
Luna: *Pimp slaps*

Luna: *Hears banging noises*
Luna: Shamis must’ve found Danielle….

Luna: *Climbs on roof*
Nightcrawler: Hey, my name is-
Luna: *Beheads Nightcrawler so that its fingernails fly off and hit her*
Luna: ….Ouch….*Faints*

Luna: *Lying on the ground with blood spraying out of her shoulder*
Lance: Oh jeez, you okay?

Nightcrawler: *Reforms* What was that for-
Lance: THIS IS SPARTA! *Kicks Nightcrawler off of building*

Luna: *Climbs down ladder with excruciating pain*
Lance: Just jump, I’ll catch-
Luna: *Tackle hug*

Lance: Let me put these bandages on *Takes off Luna’s shirt*
Luna: Err, what are you doing?
Lance: I have to treat your shoulder.
Luna: I don’t see why you need to-
Lance: *Pimp slap*

Luna: What are we going to do about us?
Lance and Luna: *Awkward silence*
Danielle: JUST SCREW HIM ALREADY!
Luna: Shut up Danielle!

Danielle: Did you do it yet? *Points to hands*
Luna: No, what happened to Casper?
Danielle: …Something…
Lance: What did I tell you about killing the new people?!

Casper: I can’t sleep...
Danielle: Yes…sleep now for it’ll be the last peaceful sleep you’ll ever get!
Casper: But I’m not sleeping-
Danielle: SILENCE!

Lance: *Asleep on the floor*
Luna: I don’t want you on the floor, I prefer the couch
Lance: But I’m too tired-
Luna: *Looms over threateningly*

Nightcrawler: Aw, look at the cute bunnies!
Casper: *Throws dagger and murders each one viciously*

Shamis: Can I come in?
Casper: Get in here, Shamis. I caught some bunnies to eat.
Danielle: *Whispers to Casper* You should totally stab him
Casper: Why would I do that?
Danielle: Hem, I’m bored.

Shamis: *In corner*
Lance: STOP BEING EMO *Loads gun*
Shamis: Whoa, chill man-
Rose: *Knocks at the door*
Lance: What the hell was that? *Shoots Shamis in the foot*

Aaron: Let me in damn it! They’re everywhere, you got to help me! AAAAAAAGHHHH!!! *Bangs on door*
Lance: Who’s there?
Luna: H-hello?
Aaron: Oh god! They have arrows! They- *Sounds of metal and then silence*
Rose: Should we open the door…?
Luna: *Hears sounds of suffering and pleads of mercy* Let’s not…

Nightcrawler: *Walks in with two other normal shadows*
Luna: *Slices the two shadows in half*
Nightcrawler: What have you done!? Those were the only joy in the world to me-
Aaron: *Runs Nightcrawler through with sword* *Has arrow in arm and has torn clothes*
Luna: Oh jeez, are you okay?

Sunny: Hey, want a lollipop?
Danielle: Hell no
Sunny: You know you want it…
Danielle: Did you hear me? *Raises dagger*
Aaron: *Cracks up*
Sunny: EAT IT! *Shoves a lollipop down Rose’s throat*
Danielle: Sunny! That kills people!
Sunny: Leave me alone or I’ll call you Danny!
Danielle: The hell you will! *Stabs Sunny*


FENDING OFF MONSTERS

Aaron: This town seems nice…
Narrator: *5 minutes later*
Aaron: OH MY GOD! SCREW THIS TOWN!

Shadows: *Starts backing off*
Aaron: That’s right, you better run!
Shadowfire: *Pops up with shadow bow*
Aaron: Damn it…. *Gets shot*

Aaron: *On the floor* (Maybe they’ll leave me alone now….)
Shadowfire: *Stabs Aaron with a shadow dagger*
Aaron: Damn it….

Danielle: Ha, this guy is so stupid trying to fight them all alone.
Shadowfire: Now let’s bring you to our king… *Drags Aaron away*
Danielle: I should follow this evil monster to a fortress full of other evil monsters that will surely kill me if I set foot in there. *Follows*

Danielle: COME AT ME BRO! *Throws a dagger into Shadowfire*
Shadowfire: … *Lets 3 Nightcrawlers out
Nightcrawler 1: Hey guys what’s up-
Danielle: *Chops him in half with dagger*
Shadowfire: Err…. *Runs away*
Nightcrawler 2: Idiot…
Danielle: Who wants some more? *Cracks knuckles*
Nightcrawler 3: RUN LIKE HELL!

Aaron: *Is turning into a shadow*
Danielle: Hey, I’m glad I found you!
Aaron: *Generates a bunch of shadows*
Danielle: Damn it….

Danielle: *Epically murders about half of the shadows*
Shadow: *Jumps on Danielle’s head and pulls her hair*
Danielle: OH HELL NO! *Stabs shadow*
Shadow: *Explodes all over her head*
Danielle: …

Aaron: GTFO! *Lunges at Danielle*
Danielle: *Knocks sword out of Aaron’s hands*
Shadows: RUN LIKE HELL!

Aaron: *Kicks Danielle as she does the splits*
Danielle: …You realize that did the exact opposite of pain, right?

Aaron: *Sword gets stuck in ground*
Danielle: *Stabs his leg*
Aaron: *Starts hopping on one foot*
Danielle: Oh jeez, are you okay?

Luna: Aaron, wtf are you doing?
Aaron: RAAAAAGE!!!! *Throws Danielle’s daggers across the street*
Danielle: Alright buddy you can stab me and threaten my life but no one...NO ONE FUCKS WITH THE DAGGERS!

Luna: *Tackles Aaron*
Aaron: *Turns human again*
Luna: Oh…thank god that he is-
Danielle: *Stabs Aaron*
Luna: Damn it…

SHAMIS AND DANIELLE

Danielle: *Looks out into the darkness*
Shamis: Hey Danielle…
Narrator: *5 minutes later*
Shamis and Danielle: *Making out*
Danielle: Well, enough with you. *Walks away*
Shamis: B-but…Wait!
Danielle: *Flips the bird*
Shamis: …Forever alone…


GETTING IN TROUBLE

Luna: Wtf…?
Shadows: Umpa lumpa doopety doo… *Carrying body parts in a line*
Luna: Maybe there is some kind of sick shadow ritual going on…
Nightcrawler: *Sounds from the other room* Oh hey Max, I just brought these humans and I thought- *Explodes*
Luna: RUN LIKE HELL!

Luna: *Gets in line*
Shadow: Hey, you look familiar…
Luna: You must be mistaken, I’ve never seen you in my life *Sweating*
Shadow: OH! IT’S YOU-
Luna: *Pimp slap*

Mall Monster: *Smoking Shadow dust* Yo…
Luna: You sick cannibal bastard!
Mall Monster: Aw, loosen up a little man. Come on…try some of ‘dis shit *Passes a shadow wrapped in a blanket*
Luna: Err, no thanks. I’m clean.
Mall Monster: Aw man….Come on, just come on and try a blunt….man…
Luna: Ok…maybe just one…
Narrator: *5 minutes later*
Mall Monster and Luna: *Cracking up randomly with a bunch of other shadows*

Para-Shadow 1: Mallix, you’re needed. Some idiot is trying to get through the door.
Luna: *Still high* …Lance?
Mall Monster: Aw man, it must be that damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch Road Monster wantin’ some of his money back. Tell that damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch he can suck on my big, black, shadowy dick! Kay?
Para-Shadow 2: Err, no sir. It’s a human.
Mall Monster: Ho, did I ask you?
Para-Shadow 2: Well sir...I thought you’d want to know-
Mall Monster: Hoe! Go get my homies the Elite Shadows to go bust a cap in his ass! Alright, bitch?
Para-Shadows: Yes sir…

Luna: Wait! You can’t do that!
Mall Monster: And why the hell not?
Luna: Well…I…uh…
Mall Monster: Listen, hoe, I own the whole damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch city. So I can do whatever the fuck I want on my turf. Got it, hoe?
Luna: But-
Mall Monster: Don’t speak, hoe!
Luna: Oh fuck this. *Shoots everyone in the room*

Lance: *Finally breaks down door*
Luna: About damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch time!
Lance: …What?
Luna: Nothing, let’s just go take out the rest of the damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch gang.

Narrator: *Shiny lights flickering in the distance*
Luna: It’s a shiny light! Let’s go get it!
Lance: I don’t think that’s a good idea…Haven’t you seen Nemo?
Luna: SCREW YOUR ADVICE I HAVE MONEY! *Storms towards light*

Nightcrawler: *Grabs Luna* Come with me if you want to live! This gang is-
Luna: *Pimp slap*
Lance: I told you! Talking fish are always right- *Gets owned*
Zathe: Fool! Wtf are you doing here?
Luna: Bust a cap in his damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch ass!
Lance: *Shoots Zathe* Yeah, bitch! Who you finna try?
Zathe: *Wound heals* Dumb fuck…
Luna: RUN LIKE HELL!

Nightcrawler: Get to the choppa-G-get to the…*Curb stomped by Zathe*
Zathe: Damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch…

Lance: We should start dating.
Luna: I thought we were-
Lance: Listen, want to fuck or not?

Zathe: *Trying to reason with the Shadow King*
Shadow King: Oh just send the Road Monster after them…
Zathe: But…my lord…One girl defeated Mallix and his men. They have a whole gang! What makes you think that he can kill them?
Shadow King: Are you questioning my reason? Damn it Zathe, the reader isn’t supposed to think that deep into the plot!
Zathe: I’m just trying to think outside the box. We can’t just send a crap load of monsters at a group of highly skilled god-modding teenagers.
Shadow King: I can’t wait until I get to execute you for treason...You fat bitch…
Zathe: What?
Shadow King: I said that I can’t wait to execute them for reasons, and I have a bad itch.
Zathe: Oh…
Shadow King: Deaf dickhead…


ZATHE SPIES

Luna: *In corner*
Danielle: Stop being emo! *Raises dagger*
Luna: I’m not, put that thing down!
Shamis: She’s on the edge!
Danielle: Keep quiet Shamis! *Stabs Shamis*

Danielle: What happened at the mall?
Luna: Well me and Lance-
Danielle: Did you…do it?
Luna: NO, DAMN IT! WHAT ABOUT PG 13 ROLEPLAY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!

Luna: We met this half-blood…
Danielle: That sounds vague enough to be Zathe!

Lance: *Walks in* What are you hookers talking about?
Danielle: How good you are in sex; Luna was talking all about it.
Lance: *Blushing* How do you know about that?
Danielle: Oh, so you guys DID do it in the mall
Luna: Damn it Lance!

Luna: ANYWAYS! We met this half-blood
Lance: Yeah, he was such a dick head.
Danielle: He’s always been the bitchy type…
Shamis: So this ass said he craved dicks?
Casper: He probably likes old man nipples…
Aaron: Why would you think of old man nipples?
Rose: I bet he has a small-
Sunny: Lollipop?
Zathe: *Listening through wall* …

Danielle: Lance, your stitches need to come out.
Lance: Err, no thanks. You’ll end up killing me.
Danielle: Unless you want to be eaten alive by the inanimate objects inside of you, you better come with me.
Lance: Oh…Shit…

Danielle: *Disembowels Lance before stitching him back up*
Luna: That seemed like a little much-
Danielle: Do not question my mad healing skills! *Stabs Casper*

Luna, Lance, and Danielle: Do you feel like something is watching us?
Zathe: Err, no. What a silly thought. *Wearing mustache disguise of awesome*
Danielle: Wait, I don’t think we’ve met. What’s your name?
Zathe: Oh would you look at the time! Bye! *Dissolves into the air*
Luna: Hm… I have a funny feeling about him….

Lance: We need to find that castle…
Luna: *Gets a sudden vision of the whole entirety of ATA Rebirth*
Danielle: We’re not ready…
Luna: Actually, after we get a French guy and his cat then we’ll be at the height of our gang…
Lance: EW…French people…

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Danielle: He knows you love each other. If we go there, only two of us will get out, one will be captive.
Luna: Which one?
Danielle: You. He wants Lance.
Luna: Oh boy…
Lance: Me? Sweet, but I’m not his type.

Danielle: 7 DAYS!
Luna: I can’t believe I’m going to die like this! *Starts sobbing and eating ice cream*
Lance: *Eye twitch*
Danielle: Uh…Lance?
Lance: *Passes out*
Danielle: Drama queen…
Luna: Lance! I can’t believe I’m going to die!
Lance: *Eyes open* Hug?
Luna: *Hugs*
Lance: DUMB BITCH! *Stabs Luna and dissolves into thin air*
Danielle: …Wtf?

Lance: *Wakes up, chained*
Zathe: *Walks up with TV*
Lance: What is the meaning of this?
Zathe: *Evil smile as TV comes on*
Jigsaw: Hello Lance. I would like to play a game.

Jigsaw: Rise and shine, Lance. You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in. Up until now, you've simply sat in the Wal-Mart watching others live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror? Now I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic, but mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself die here today, Lance, or do something about it?
Lance: …What?

Jigsaw: They key out of your chains is in the body of your dead mother-
Lance: Dude, just shut the fuck up! *Kicks TV*

Zathe: Join me! Pledge your allegiance to the Shadow King and become immortal! Become the prince of shadows!
Lance: Never! I would- Wait, what did you sat about immortality?
Zathe: Well that’s just too bad. If you won’t join us, you’ll be made prince by force.
Lance: …Cool…

Luna: What will they do to him?
Danielle: Well, just as a wild guess…They’ll make him prince and force him to kill you. But hell, I’ll be fine.
Luna: Yeah…thanks….

Danielle and Luna: *Heading towards Doil Street*
Luna: *Tossed to the ground by giant monster jumping in front of them*
Road Monster: FEAR ME! I AM THE ALMIGHTY-
Danielle: *Scared shitless* HOLY- *Stabs Road Monster*

Zathe: My lord…
Shadow King: *Making petty noises at Road Monster puppies*
Zathe: My lord…The Road Monster has-
Shadow King: Oh I know already.
Zathe: You do?
Shadow King: Oh yes. Roady never loses. Have I ever told you that he was my favorite?
Zathe: Yes…but my lord-
Shadow King: Roady. Mallix was quite the delinquent, until he was destroyed. Six Eyes, Flame, Omega, Reaper, and Wall Walker, they are alright but my Roady…
Zathe: S-sir…The Road Monster was defeated…He left behind his gem…
Shadow King: *Sniffle* Get out…
Zathe: Y-yes my lord…

Luna: Look over there! *Sees Possessors guarding the castle*
Danielle: Oh, I can take care of them… *Cracks knuckles*
Possessor 1: RUN LIKE HELL!

Lance: Luna! *Across the room*
Luna: Lance? *ON the other side of the room*
Lance: Oh, Luna!
Luna: Oh Lance!
Danielle: *Hearing stuff from other room* …

Narrator: OMFG, A WILD ZATHE APPEARED!
Narrator: Enemy Zathe used pointless dialogue!
Narrator: It’s not very effective…
Narrator: Danielle used threats!
Narrator: It has no effect!

Lance: *Shoots Luna*
Luna: *Gets hit* WHY IS IT ALWAYS IN THE DAMN SHOULDER?!

Narrator: Danielle used distracting flashbacks!
Narrator: Critical hit!
Narrator: Zathe is now confused!
Narrator: Zathe hurt himself in his confusion!

Lance: *Switching from human and shadow*
Luna: L-lance?
Lance: *Tries to shoot, but ammo is gone*
Narrator: Lance used bust a cap! But it failed!
Lance: *Eye twitch*

Narrator: Shadow King used potion!
Narrator: Zathe is no longer confused!
Narrator: Zathe used slash!
Narrator: Danielle has fainted!
Narrator: Danielle is out of usable Pokémon!
Narrator: Danielle has blacked out!
Danielle: *Throws Gameboy on the floor* Damn it, you beat me again!
Zathe: Ha, fool, you’ll never win!

Luna: Just kill me! I can’t live if you don’t love me!
Lance: Uh...ok… *Gets claws ready*
Luna: Oh wait a second! *Makes out with Lance*
Lance: *Turns human and wakes up to see Luna all over him* …What the hell?

Danielle: You’re my brother.
Zathe: …Lolwut?
Danielle: Your name is Jason Grace*, a half-blood. You are the son of Jupiter, a child of Rome, consul to demigods and praetor of the first legion.
Zathe: I feel like you’re copying this off of something…
Lance: *Sparta kicks Zathe through wall* YES, I GOT HIM!
Danielle: We should go back to the Wal-Mart; the gang must be having a horrible time without us main characters

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Wal-Mart…
Casper and Shamis: *Cracking up randomly with the half formed ghost of Mall Monster*
Rose, Sunny, and Aaron: *In a long train with play boy bunnies*

Shadow King: *Walks in with pajamas and ice cream bowl with tear marks still down his face* Zathe?
Luna: Uh…Lance?
Zathe: *Punches Lance in the face*
Shadow King: No hurting my Zathey wathey! *Dissolves with Zathe*

Narrator: *= Zathe’s real name is Jason, the name Zathe was given when his memories were wiped and the Shadow King gave him that name.)

EXPLORING DANIELLE STYLE

Danielle: *Exploring a house*
Luna: *Stalk stalk stalk*
Danielle: This house is quiet…to quiet…
Luna: MAYBE BECAUSE EVERYONE’S DEAD! *Slaps mouth shut*
Danielle: *Glare*

Danielle: *Weird flashback*
Danielle: …I really need to lay off the drugs…

Danielle: *Standing on balcony*
Shadowfire: *Stalking Danielle with binoculars*
Nightcrawler: Hey! What’cha doing?
Shadowfire: HOLY- *Shoots Nightcrawler off of building*

Shadowfire: Ha, Danielle, no way I’ll miss! *Shoots arrow*
Peppy: DO A BARREL ROLL!
Danielle: *Jumps off building, arrow misses*
Shadowfire: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…

Danielle: *Shakes it off like nothing happened and walks into house*
Shadowfire: *Lights building on fire*
Danielle: *Jumps out window as building explodes*
Nightcrawler: You have to admit, that was pretty bad ass.
Shadowfire: Grr…

Danielle: *Gets surrounded by ring of fire*
Shadowfire: *Enters ring with flaming sword*
Danielle: Vous trou du cul stupide. Si vous pensez que votre VA me tuer avec votre epée petit feu, votre manqué de chance
Lance: *Was about to help, puts gun away* Oh, never mind. I don’t like French people.
Danielle: …

Shadowfire: *Transforms into a giant dragon*
Lance: Danielle, if you chop off his balls you get a wish!
Shadowfire: W-wait. You’ve mistaken me with someone else…
Danielle: *Takes out daggers*
Shadowfire: Damn it…

Lance: *Shoots one of Shadowfire’s balls*
Shadowfire: …Ouch… *Teleports away*
Lance: See? The main character always gets to godmod.
Shadow Monster: *Walks in with three Nightcrawlers*
Lance: …

Nightcrawler 1 and 2: Let’s get em’!
Lance: *Shoots one, knifes the other*
Nightcrawler 3: That’s not nice…
Lance: No, this is SPARTA! *Kicks Nightcrawler into the fire*
Shadow Monster: Damn it…

Danielle: *Watching Lance fight in the Ring of Fire*
Shadowfire: No godmodding me, dickhead! *Shoots Lance with arrow*
Lance: FFFFF- *Gets owned*

Danielle: Lance, because you got owned by a shadow arrow, you need the antidote before you spontaneously combust.
Lance: Where do I get it?!
Danielle: Pfft, it doesn’t exist.
Lance: …Damn it…

Lance: *About to shoot Danielle*
Danielle: I’m the only one who can heal you, dumbass
Lance: You just said there was no antidote!
Danielle: There isn’t, but I have Ariadne’s String.
Lance: That’s for navigating the labyrinth-
Danielle: Do not question my mad healing skills! *Stabs Shadowfire*

Shadowfire: …Ouch… *Teleports away…again*
Aaron: OMFGWTFBBQPIZZA! What happened?
Luna: OMFGWTFBBQPIZZA! What happened?
Sunny: OMFGWTFBBQPIZZA! What happened?
Danielle: You can’t just infer? He has an arrow in him and Shadowfire running like a pussy…?
Aaron: No, I’m completely clueless

Luna: *Starts giving Lance a hickey*
Danielle: I don’t think this is the time…
Luna: *Spits poison out* There, bitch. Don’t question my mad healing skills! *Stabs Sunny*
Danielle: …

Lance: *Wakes up*
Narrator: *1 second later…*
Luna and Lance: *Making out*
Sunny: *Freaks out like she’s never seen it before* EEEEEEW COOTIES!
Danielle: Dude! He just woke up! Do you have to make out with him every two seconds?!
Luna: Oh shut up and go give Shamis a blow job.

Aaron: We should get back. Shadowfire will be pissed.
Danielle: Alright.
Lance: Yeah, we should get back.
Danielle: *Doesn’t want to agree with Lance* Actually, fuck you guys
Danielle: *Runs into a backyard and flips them off*

Luna: *Corners Danielle*
Danielle: Err, I’m not into girls, love bird, just go back and make out with Lance or something.
Luna: No, it’s not that. Are you still mad about Zathe?
Danielle: Maybe…
Luna: We can find him. I’ll see it before I die! *Has another oracle vision of ATA*
Danielle: No, we find him now.
Luna: *Rubs the back of her head* Yea…I can’t say that’ll happen…

Danielle: I’m sorry Lance
Lance: You’re for-
Danielle: Don’t mention it
Lance: Ok-
Danielle: EVER!
Narrator: *Lance, Luna, Danielle, Aaron, Sunny, and Danielle walk into the sunset*

Narrator: And so our young trainers continue their Pokémon journey. What will happen next? Tune in to find out.



EXPLORATION

Lance: *Reads sign* F…for….mar…formark….uh…ave-avenue. We’re at Formark Avenue.
Luna: That took you long enough.

Shadows: *Eating corpse*
Shadow 1: I was so glad I could come today!
Shadow 2: Would you like to go out again, maybe for some baristas- *Explodes into smoke*
Lance: *Shooting rampage*

Lance: What’s this? *Picks up piece of paper and reads it*
Diary: Today, I was cooking dinner when two shadows came in and ate us alive. FML.
Lance: *Face of disapproval*

Lance: *Sees leg stretching out of closet door* Oh, what do we have here? *Opens closet, expecting woman*
Shroom Shadow: *Eating leg, body nowhere to be found*
Lance: AAAW! *Shoots Shroom*

Lance: HEY! Who wants to jump out of the building?
Luna: SURE LANCE!
Lance and Luna: *Randomly jump out of building*

Luna: *Depressed*
Lance: Oh come on, we won’t die like that person in the house!
Luna: *Has vision of ATA*
Lance: …Right?
Luna: *Shakes head*

Lance and Luna: *Trying to keep leech invasion at bay*
Luna: You know we should talk about us…
Lance: Err, now isn’t the time… *Shoots leech*
Luna: I know I know. I don’t want to get that far. But I think we should take ourselves seriously…
Lance: *Runs out of ammo* Yeah…We need to go…
Luna: R-really? You want to…go?
Lance: *Squishes leech* Yea, right now!
Luna: L-like right here?
Lance: No, at the house. We need to go!
Luna: Ok, in the closet or the bedroom?
Lance: Wait what…? O-oh…

Lance and Luna: *Jump back into the building*
Luna: *Injures her head*
Lance: *Grabs a wash cloth* You need to take off your shirt so I can work.
Luna: How does that have anything to do with my head-?
Lance: *Pimp slap*

Lance: Want to keep exploring?
Luna: Well…no
Lance: What do you want to do? We could explore…
Narrator: *5 seconds later*
Lance and Luna: *Making out with leeches crawling all around*


LET’S GO TO THE CASTLE

Luna: HEY GUYS! ARE YOU READY YET? ARE YOU READY YET? ARE YOU READY YET?
Lance: NO SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO SLEEP! *Pimp slap*

Lance: *Polishing gun* Yes, you’re a good gun aren’t you! I love you little gunny! Go get Danielle, go get her!
Luna: (Sometimes I think that gun is more important than me…)
Lance: (You’re my only real friend, gun. What was that, you want to make out? Well I’d be happy to…)
Casper: *Watching a video of girlfriend breaking Xbox*
Luna: *Crazy idea* Lance-
Lance: *Making out with gun*

Luna: Why do people treat their weapons so specially? It’s so stupid, right Danielle?
Danielle: *Making out with dagger*

Luna: Can we go now?
Lance: Alright, fine…
Aaron: Hold up! *Hair flip*
Luna, Rose, Sunny, and Danielle: *Stop in awe*

Sunny: Where are we going?
Danielle: We are going to the castle.
Sunny: Castle?
Aaron: Where the shadows chill out.
Sunny: Chill?
Shamis: Live.
Sunny: Live?
Casper: Dwell
Sunny: Lollipop?
Wal-Mart Gang: *Face palm*

Aaron: *To Casper and Shamis* Are you guys coming?
Casper: Actually, no. Shamis never logged in after the Shamis and Danielle topic, and I don’t actually post in anything until we meet a suicidal freak.
Aaron: Then why are you included?
Shamis: Comedic relief, since we serve no purpose. Like how you’ll rage quit and come back many months later, just to rage quit again.
Aaron: How do you know this?
Casper: Luna.

Luna: Finally! Let’s go the castle!
Casper: Title drop!
Luna: *Glare* Go back to Shamis and continue watching your lolcat porn.
Casper: Fine…
Lance: *Opens door, shadow army rushes in and starts partying*
Shamis: FUCKING A!

Lance: *Godmods the shit out of everybody with grenade*
Luna: They won’t be gone for long. The shadows are a skittish race, but they will always return in greater numbers.
Shadow: Ah…one hell of a scrap...right captain? *Coughs, body is cut in half*
Shadow Monster: *Laying lifeless*
Shadow: S-snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Lance: *Overkills all the dying shadows*
Danielle: You can’t just blaze through everything like that…
Lance: Well, I’m tired of getting hurt
Danielle: You don’t get hurt! And when you get a flesh wound, you forget about it and godmod!
Lance: Well, at least I’m not Luna who gets severely owned every topic. She’s like the Princess Peach of ATA.
Luna: ...

Nightcrawlers: *Pop out of the bushes with flowers and walk towards Lance*
Danielle: *Yawns* I’m too tired to viciously murder every single one…you do it Lance.
Lance: You know what? No, I’m not. Apparently you all hate my superior skill and I will just sit here and get attacked.
Nightcrawler: Hey, Lance. You know we don’t mean to bother you-
Luna: *Starts killing them all*

Nightcrawler: *Crying over dead comrades behind Lance*
Luna: Lance, watch out! *Tackles Lance and punches him*
Nightcrawler: *Looks up with teary eyes*
Luna: *Jumps off of Lance and stabs Nightcrawler 42 times in the eyeballs*
Nightcrawler: *Fall backwards and claws accidentally stab Luna*

Luna: *Chops off Nightcrawler’s arm inside of her and falls over dramatically*
Lance: You saved me! Now let’s go.
Luna: I-I can’t Lance…I need to go back…
Danielle: Fuck that shit. Don’t go making this topic about you, girlfriend!
Luna: *Coughs out blood* Too late
Sunny, Rose, Lance, and Danielle: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW

Luna: *Limps home alone*
Rose: Shouldn’t one of us go back with her?
Lance: No, foolish minor character. Casper and Shamis will take care of her.
Sunny: Do you really believe that?
Lance: *Shakes head*

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Wal-Mart

Casper, Shamis, and Mallix: *Cracking up randomly*


LUNA IS ALONE

Luna: *Limps into store* H-hello?
Casper: Hey Luna
Shamis: Yo
Luna: I-I need help…
Casper: Well, that’s nice…
Shamis: Beer’s in the fridge
Luna: W-what? Where the hell are you? Help me!
Luna: *Limps around to find Shamis and Casper on Xbox live*

Shadow Leech: *Crawling up leg* My family is counting on me…
Luna: WTF?! *Stomps the crap out of Shadow Leech*
Zathe: FFFFFFFFF…

Zathe: Hit me…baby…one last time
Luna: No, Lance would godmod me if I died.
Zathe: Fine then. *Snaps fingers, leeches charge in slowly*
Luna: Danielle was right…I am supposed to die here…
Zathe: *About to kill Luna*
Zathe: *Starts having a seizure*
Leeches: RUN LIKE HELL!

Luna: *Lays Zathe on the couch*
Zathe: *Turning human* M-melinoe? Danielle?
Luna: Wait, what?
Zathe: *Turns shadow again* Oh, sorry. Dumb bitch! *Stabs Luna and teleports away*

Luna: *Dying on floor* C-casper…
Casper: Hold on just a second, I’m about to get the helicopter!
Shamis: *Get’s shot on Xbox* FUCKING A!
Jigsaw: Game over!

Lance: *Walks in* Honey, I’m home!
Lance: WTF! Luna!
Luna: *Dying on floor some more*
Lance: Danielle, I choose you!
Danielle: *Jumps Pikachu style in slow motion*

Danielle: Well, my work is done here. *Walks outside*
Lance: You didn’t do anything!
Danielle: Exactly.

Danielle: *Petting daggers* My precious…
Lance: *Goes outside* Err, Danielle?
Danielle: HOLY-! *Stabs Lance*

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Wal-Mart

Luna: *Strips down* I need new clothes…
Casper: *Walking through Wal-Mart and runs into Luna* Hey Luna- OMFG

Danielle: Danielle angry.
Lance: Why?
Danielle: Because all you talk about is shooting me, my brother, or fucking Luna
Lance: Okay…you got me there but that’s no reason to be angry.
Danielle: YES IT IS YOU STUPID PROTAGONIST!

Luna: *Has a bucket o’ blood*
Lance: That’s…a lot
Luna: *Sighs and put’s head in lap*
Lance: *Smiles at awkward position*

Zathe: You!
Danielle: HOLY-! *Stabs Zathe*
Zathe: *Heals* I can kill you at anytime, fool. I am the better fighter
Danielle: *Stabs Zathe again*

Zathe: *About to leave* Hi
Danielle: Hi? (Bipolar son of a bitch…)
Zathe: Become a half blood and you can wreak havoc for all eternity!
Danielle: I can do that while still being human…
Zathe: Whatever, dumb bitch. I’m always watching *Fades into the background*
Danielle: Pervy stalker…


GETTING SUPPLIES

Jean: Violet, go get me zee beer from zee court of food. Dere should be plenty from zee overweight Americans.

Jean: *Arguing with Violet, his cat*
Violet: MEEOW!
Jean: Violet! Enough of zis nonsense! You want dinner or no?
Violet: MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW?
Jean: Yes, eez is true. I get more fan girls when I ‘ave you with me. American chicks dig zee cats.

Lance: *Pops up with a gun* Who the hell are you?!
Jean: Ello? ‘Oo are you?
Lance: *Hears French accent* (Oh god no…) You first!
Jean: My name eez Jean Acelin, and zis is my Violet. Your turn I believe, misteer.
Lance: Uh…Lance. *Sees cat and steps back*
Jean: What eez it?
Lance: No stealing my fan girls, French swine!

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Jean: Eh, Misteer Lance, may I ask what zee Rebel Survivors are? Are you ‘ere for…What, exactly? You did not make it quite clear.
Lance: A group of humans against shadows. A nuisance to you also, no? And you don’t need to know my mission. You might be a disguised shadow. The French are always guilty in the movies…
Jean: Me? A shadow? I fear you are mistaken, Misteer Lance. But I believe you and I ‘ave something in common. I am against zee shadows as well. And I am not familiar with zee American movie, but I fear zey are prejudiced on almost every subject.

Lance: You cannot come with.
Jean: I do not mind if I cannot go with you, Misteer Lance. I am perfectly content with Luna. We get along just perfectly.
Lance: I guess you can come…Wait, what about Luna?
Jean: I said Violet, Misteer Lance. (American fool! You do not yet know zat my milkshakes bring all zee girls to zee yard!)

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Wal-Mart…

Wal-Mart Gang: *Sitting and watching TV*
Shamis: Sunny, can you pass the popcorn-
Sunny: LOLLIPOPS!
Casper: *Scoots away from Sunny*
Rose: Sunny, can I have one-
Sunny: NO! NO ONE MAY TOUCH MY PRECIOUS!
Aaron: Maybe we should, ah, save the gene pool.
Danielle: Is that a blunt way of saying ‘Kill all minor characters?’
Luna: Guys, what did I say about- *Has a vision*
Aaron: What’s happening?! What did you see?
Luna: Hot…guys…in the future…*Faints*
Aaron: It’s me, huh?
Luna: Frenchmen…Socially inept Filipino…and his seductive brother…*About to pass out*
Aaron: What about me?
Luna: You…run away and beat the shit out of an Austrian…and become a dick…

Lance: *Leads Jean to a bloody door with shrieks of agony behind it*
Jean: Zis is not zee safe haven…correct?
Lance: No, don’t worry. He’s pretty friendly if you get to know him.
Jean: But we are trying to keel him…
Lance: Yea…we’re fucked.

Lance: *Kicks down door and starts shooting ghetto style*
Jean: *Slashing at the shadows* He will kick your ass, Misteer Lance!
Lance: *Shoots a small bone out and climbs on back*
Jean: What is zis? You can godmod?
Lance: Damn straight. I’m the current male protagonist! Nothing can stand in my-
Mall Monster: What the fuck man? *Throws Lance through wall*
Jean: Lance!
Mall Monster: Not coo’ man…Not coo’ at all. *Takes out gun and puts it to Lance’s head*
Lance: Not today! *Pulls out shotgun and blows Mallix into millions of pieces*
Jean: Pfft…Americans and dere silly overdramatic kills…

Lance: That’s right bitches...I beat that damn bitch ass pussy mother fucker twat cunt muffin cock smokin’ son of a bitch…
Violet: *Pops out with the jewel and a bazooka on her shoulders*
Jean: Yes, Misteer Lance…sure…


LANCE LEADS JEAN

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA POST*
Lance led him up the small road, with incompetent shadows beating each other with sticks. They ended up at an Abandoned Wal-Mart. "Here," he said, "this is our base." ~Lance Gunn

Lance: Hey guys, over here!
Jean: Behold! It eez I!
Luna and Danielle: *Wide eyed*
Lance: Oh don’t mind his accent…
Danielle: I have nothing against the French…It’s just that he’s half naked…

Jean: What eez your names?
Luna: I am Luna Star- *Tries to curtsy but falls over from wound*
Danielle: I am Danielle Comet- CAT! *Starts chasing cat around New York*

Jean: *Snatches up Violet* What eez wrong with my cat?
Danielle: It’s the first one that hasn’t died or turned wild. It should be dead!
Jean: Then what eez wrong with eet if eet survives?
Danielle: IT MUST BE DEFECTIVE!

Lance: Come inside and rest.
Luna: Okay-
Lance: I was talking to Jean, Luna. Jesus Christ…
Lance and Jean: *Walk away laughing*
Luna: *Glares with haunted music in the background*

Jean: *Winks at Danielle and goes inside*
Danielle: …Did the fag just WINK at me?
Luna: *Sitting and mumbling in a corner*
Danielle: *Walks over* (I can’t believe I’m doing this) *Sticks hand out*
Luna: *Evil fire in eyes* *Takes it*
Readers: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Luna: *Takes Lance’s arm and pulls him away from Jean*
Lance: What are you doing-?
Luna: Oh shush…I was thinking we could go to the campsite *Winks*
Lance: *Blushing hard* Uh…uh…O-okay!

Danielle: *Walks up to Jean with dagger* Oh hello Jean. How old would you be?
Jean: Eh…eh…seventeen.
Danielle: You know I’ve always been into older men. *Hides dagger*
Jean: *Blushing* Madam Danielle-
Danielle: Turn around for a second…
Jean: *Turns around* Eh?
Danielle: *Throws dagger*
Shamis: *Runs up* NO STEALING MY WOMAN! *Tackles Jean, dagger hits wall*
Danielle: FUCK-! I mean, Jean, are you okay?!

Casper: *Wrestling Shamis off of Jean* Let go man! Nothing was happening!
Jean: (Zis is crazy! I need to get out of ‘ere!)
Violet: *Jumps out of Jean’s grasp and runs away*
Danielle: She’s going to piss on my daggers! *Runs after her*
Lance: *Runs back with messy hair and clothes* Jean, what the fuck is happening?
Jean: My Violet! Danielle! Zis is madness!
Shamis: No, THIS…
Jean: Don’t do eet. I am warning you!
Shamis: IS!
Jean: I am French! Do not fuck with me!
Shamis: SPARTAAAAA! *Kicks Jean through wall*
Casper: Um…Lance, where is your belt?
Lance: What-? *Pants fall off*
Shamis and Casper: PUT THAT AWAY!

Aaron: *Drags Danielle back*
Violet: *Follows*
Jean: *Walks back* Violet!
Rose: *Flies and hits Violet*
Jean: What zee fuck?
Sunny: *Walking over with rage face* MY LOLLIPOPS!

Lance: Well, looks like we are all here! I’ll start the fire!
Jean: I think I will be going now…
Lance: Nonsense! It’s perfectly safe here! *Starts campfire*
Flame Shadow: *Steps out* Hello, my little princesses. The Shadow King sent me to play a game *Cracks knuckles*
Jean: You said zis was safe!
Lance: But…that’s impossible! Only things with heat can get in here!
Danielle: *Walks up* Well, maybe because it’s made of FIRE!

Flame Shadow and Lance: *Having a fire fight*
Narrator: HA! See what I did there?
Danielle: Shut it, Sleepyyawn!

Luna: *Runs away*
Lance: Godmod time bitches! *Runs out of ammo* FUCK!
Danielle: It will melt my daggers!
Aaron: *Sneaks up and prepares to stab*
Flame Shadow: *Swipes at Aaron*
Lance: *Takes out bronze combat knife*
Flame Shadow: That will have no affect on me!
Lance: Celestial Bronze, punk!
Flame Shadow: SHIT-! *Leg gets owned by Aaron*
Lance: *Runs at Flame Shadow*
Flame Shadow: *Throws Aaron back*
Aaron: *Shirt’s ruined* MY FAN GIRLS GIVE ME POWER! *Does super jump and stabs it through head*
Lance: *Stabs Flame Shadow in heart*
Flame Shadow: I WILL BE BACK! *Burns up in a column of flame*

Jean: *Watching with snacks and lollipop* I’m starting to like it here!
Violet: *Eating bread*
Lance: Jean! Watch out-!
Sunny: LOLLIPOP! *Tackles Jean through wall*


DANIELLE’S DECISION HAS BEEN MADE

Danielle: *Sitting outside*
Zathe: Are you ready?
Danielle: I need you to explain things to me…
Zathe: Like what? It’s simple…
Danielle: How do you become a shadow?
Zathe: Pfft, I don’t know.
Danielle: How do you not know?
Zathe: My memory was wiped.
Danielle: Huh?
Zathe: Yeah, it’s like that one time when our uncle got so drunk he called me Rico.
Danielle: But…if your memory was wiped then…never mind…

Danielle: I’m having second thoughts…
Zathe: *Takes out daggers* (I finally get to kill her!) Oh, that’s a shame
Danielle: I’ll never become a shadow! Well…actually…No…
Zathe: MAKE UP YOUR MIND! *Runs at super speed*
Danielle: *Dodges*
Zathe: Wait…wtf? I’m a superhuman!
Danielle: And I am Danielle Fucking Comet.

Zathe: *Shoots Shadow Thorns*
Danielle: You never answered my question! *Dodging*
Zathe: I can’t! I will be the one who will spill your blood!
Danielle: You can’t?! I have never been injured- *Looks at bleeding arm*
Zathe: I-I’m the first one to injure you?! Yes! Bow to me! I am Zathe Comet, the first half-blood! I am the Shadow Prince! I am all powerful-!
Danielle: *Punches Zathe across the face*

Zathe: Fine… *Takes out dusty orb*
Danielle: What the hell is that?
Zathe: It is an orb that contains shadow power. Touch it and you will transform.
Danielle: That’s all? Just touch the dusty orb?
Zathe: It’s not just a dusty orb! It is the key to shadow power!
Danielle: It looks like a dusty orb…
Zathe: Does not!
Danielle: Does too!

Zathe: Just touch it!
Danielle: I don’t want to! It might be squishy!
Zathe: *Eye twitch* Squishy?
Danielle: Yes, squishy-
Zathe: *Throws orb and hits Danielle*
Danielle: NO! ZATHE! *Throws dagger in attempt to block orb*
Zathe: *Dagger hits ground and breaks*

Danielle: *Turns into a half-blood*
Zathe: Danielle….can you hear me? *Has Shadowfire nearby for emergencies*
Danielle: Yes, brother…Where is my dagger? Is it safe? Is it alright?
Zathe: It seems in your anger…you killed it…
Danielle: I-I couldn’t have…It was alive! I felt it! *Throws Shadow Soldiers aside*
Shadowfire: Everyone, retreat!
Danielle: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


OUT OF FUEL

Leysha: *Riding bike* I can ride my bike with no handle bars...No handle bars...No handle bars- OH SHIT! *Falls over*

Leysha: *Out of gas* Fuck fuck fuck! Oh look a gas station!
Leysha: *Walks over but gas pump is empty* …

Lance: *Backing off from Shadow Army*
Shadows: Pack pack…kill kill…
Leysha: *Jumps on bike and shoots randomly*
Shadowfire: *Jumps beside Lance*
Lance: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Leysha: Sorry dude, you’re on your own! *Speeds away*

Shadowfire: RAWR!
Shadows: RUN LIKE HELL! *Runs away*
Shadowfire: *Takes out sword*
Lance: Back off you minor antagonist! *Shoots Shadowfire twice*
Shadowfire: *Gets shot in the head* WHAT THE FIELDS OF PUNISHMENT!
Lance: Ha! Come on you little bitch-
Shadowfire: *Slashes Lance’s arm and knocks him out with a branch*

Leysha: *Shoots Shadowfire twice*
Shadowfire: Damn it! *Disappears with Lance*
Leysha: *Sneaks up and steals Lance’s gun*

Leysha: *Walks up with Lance’s gun*
Aaron: *Walks out* HOLY SHIT! *Runs in*
Wal-Mart Gang: *Runs out after Leysha* WHERE IS HE?!
Leysha: RUN LIKE HELL!

Leysha: A parashadow took him! *Cowering beneath a lollipop of doom*
Aaron: That sounds vague enough to be Shadowfire!

Wal-Mart Gang: *Running down Doil Street*
Aaron: *Godmods the shit out of the guards*
Luna: (God…please don’t let Aaron become the next male protagonist…)

Aaron: *Trips* Go on without me!
Leysha and Luna: Uh…okay *Runs*
Aaron: *Turns to face the Road Monster* COME AT ME BRO!

Reaper: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Luna: TWO BOSSES?
Leysha: He looks like he’s from Pittsburgh! *Turns into a super saiyan*
Luna: Wtf?
Leysha: FINAL FLASH! *Blows Reaper and Road Monster into smithereens*
Luna: What was with the whole Pittsburgh thing?
Leysha: Sorry…I’m from Seattle.

Luna and Leysha: *Leaves Aaron to fight the Shadow Army*
Aaron: IMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!
Keepers: OOOOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIIIT- *Explodes*


SOMETHING

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Shadowfire: Something upsetting you?
Danielle: Just bored.
Shadowfire: Go kill something. I’ve filled up my quota for the day.

Shadowfire: OOH! LOOK DANIELLE LOOK! *Pointing at door*
Danielle: Unless it involves Lance being tortured to death, I’m not interested.
Shadowfire: *Shows Danielle Lance’s torture room*
Danielle: This is awesome! Why didn’t you show me this before?!

Lance: *Wakes up* D-Danielle…?
Danielle and Shadowfire: *Having rock paper scissors over who gets to kill him*

Lance: Y-you’re a half-blood!
Danielle: ORLLY?

Lance: Please…Danielle…
Shadowfire: I CALL HIS LEGS! *Breaks Lance’s leg*
Lance: DANIELLE! You don’t have to do this-
Danielle: WRIST! *Stomps Lance’s arm*

Lance: I’ll make sure that you are dead! The power of friendship will murder you and the shadow race!
Danielle: *Taking notes* First you’ll die…then your girlfriend…then all the minor characters…then I’ll make Shamis a sex slave to Mallix. How about that?
Lance: That’s horrible-!
Danielle: *Stomps Lance’s other wrist*

Lance: AUGUGHAGA; LSDKGJ; ALSDGKHA; SLJH!
Danielle: I’LL MAKE YOU SCREAM!
Lance: Then do it harder!
Danielle: *Kicks Lance’s broken arm*
Lance: HARDER!
Shadow Army: *Listening from outside*

Lance: AFTER ALL WE’VE DONE FOR YOU!
Shadowfire: Here, let me pretend I’m listening…
Lance: A HUMAN WILL DIE IN THIS MISERABLE SHITSTORM BECAUSE OF YOU, DANIELLE!
Danielle: I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who GIVES TWO SHITS!

Shadowfire: *Knocks out Lance* I was tired of his bitching…
Danielle: Should we torture him again, or throw him down the bottomless pit on Doil Street?
Shadowfire: Well…we don’t want him to die in the middle of his torture…
Danielle: I think I fell in love with this place… *Prances down the halls*

Shadowfire: I wonder if there is a cure…
Danielle: You want to be human?
Shadowfire: No…Maybe…
Danielle: MAYBE?! MAYBE?! COME OVER HERE YOU COLD FOOTED BITCH!
Shadowfire: Oooooooooooh shiiiiiiiiiit-

Luna: *Kicks down door with Leysha*
Lance: Luna!
Luna: Lance! *Turns on light*
Leysha: *Sees wounds* EW! *Turns off light*

Danielle: Yo *Walks in*
Luna: THANK GOD- Wait wtf?

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Danielle: I want to hear him scream again.

Luna: FUUUUUUUUCK! *Runs away*
Lance: Luna…you…bitch…

Shadowfire: (Fuck…) *Disintegrates chains*
Danielle: What are you doing?
Shadowfire: Honestly, there is no way the plot can continue if it goes on like this. We’d look bad.
Danielle: *Mutters darkly* Yea whatever…

Lance: *Wakes up outside* Fuck this hurts… *Limps into the sunset*


THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Jean: Violet! Look at zis! *Picks up a flower* Eezn’t life great? *Skips through the overgrown houses and spins Violet around*
Danielle: *Walks up* Ew…plants… *Starts stomping out flowers*

Jean: You are a shadow!
Danielle: *Sarcasm* No!
Jean: Oh…really?
Danielle: *Facepalm*

Jean: I came ‘ere for the treasure.
Danielle: It’s not real!
Jean: Of course it is.
Danielle: Imbécile!
Jean: Je ne suis pas fou, VOUS fêtes le fou Madame!
Danielle and Jean: *Start cussing at each other in French*
Zathe: *Comes up* Bitch, the treasure banishes us!
Jean: Peace…eh, yo.
Danielle: *Steals Jean’s cat*
Jean: (Crazy bitch!)

Danielle: Such a pretty kitty…*Petting Violet*
Jean: ‘Ey! Be le careful!
Danielle: I will drain you of your blood…
Violet: Unhand me, cretin! *Takes out sword*

Zathe: *Waves hand* The force is strong here. We must go. *Disappears*
Danielle: BLAH BLAH BLAH! *Disappears*
Jean: …Wtf?


EM FINALLY FINDS PEOPLE

Emmy: *Walks in*
Violet: MEOW!
Emmy: HOLY- *Shoots gun randomly*
Wal-Mart Gang: HOLY- *Everyone starts fighting*

Jean: *Kicks gun out of Emmy’s hand* How did you find zis place?
Emmy: *Screams*
Jean: Pleeze cam down, mees!
Emmy: *Starts running around in panic*
Casper: Are you alright?
Emmy: *Gets into fetal position*
Leysha: *Leans to Sunny* She’s not right in the head…
Sunny: LOLLIPOOOOOOOOPS!

Lance: *Kicks door down* HONEY, I’M HOME! *Collapses on ground*
Emmy: *Screams and steals her gun back*
Jean: RUN LIKE HELL!

Casper: *Twirls daggers* I suppose I’m the new medic since Danielle left…
Emmy: *Screams*
Casper: Check for wounds.
Jean: I AM NO MEDIC! *Runs away with Violet*
Casper: Check his wounds…then.
Emmy: *Screams*
Casper: This is going to be a long night…

Jean: *Comes back with supplies* Here eet ez, Meester Casper.
Casper: *Eye twitches from accent* Go find more…
Jean: Yes, Meester Casper. *Runs away*
Casper: *Sigh*
Violet: *Looks at ice cube on ground* (My precious…) *Carries it away to corner*

Emmy: *Screams* I should go now…
Casper: Stay! *Stabs Emmy*
Violet: *Sends ice cube of doom out while dramatic music plays*
Shamis: Whoa-! *Slips on ice cube, ice cube goes flying in air*
Jean: *Hit by ice cube and slides across ground*
Leysha: *Tries to stop Jean but is tripped by Casper*
Casper: Oh, sorry- *Falls on Lance*
Luna: *Runs inside* Guys, I’m back from Lance’s rescue mission- *Sees everyone on the floor*

Violet: *Looking for ice cube*
Jean: *Rubs head and sits up* Mees Luna…what happened?
Luna: Oh, nothing… *Starts making out with Lance*
Jean: Mees Luna, Meester Lance should be getting ‘is sleep, no?
Luna: *Pulls away* Er, yea. You’re right.
Jean: Us French are always right, Mees Luna.

Shamis and Leysha: I’M GOING TO KILL THAT CAT!
Casper: *Gets daggers ready*
Violet: Fools! You cannot face me! *Turns into a super saiyan*

Jean: *Drags Lance into a sleeping bag*
Lance: Where’s my gun…?
Luna: *Gets into sleeping bag with Lance* Does it matter?
Lance: What I would do if I figured out someone had it…
Leysha: *Hides Lance’s gun*

Jean: *Trying to calm Emmy down*
Emmy: I NEED FOOOOOOOOD!
Jean: *Shoves Violet down her throat* EAT THAT!

Casper: *Being left out*
Lance: S-stop b-being emo…
Casper: Don’t tell me what to do, Lance.
Lance: Turn into the next Danielle and I will kill you personally…

Casper and Emmy: *Having a moment*
Wal-Mart Gang: Oooooooooooooooooooh Casper has a giiiiiiiiirlfriiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeend

Casper: *Wipes cheetos off of Emmy’s face and licks it*
Emmy: *Giggles*
Jean: Am I zee only one who finds zat…strange?

Casper: *Follows Emmy into an aisle*
Emmy: Casper! What a pleasant surprise!
Casper: *Post-Sexy Time music comes on*


CASPER SITS AND THINKS

Casper: *Doing something inappropriate behind a pile of logs*
Lily: HEY CASPER- OH MY GOD!
Casper: Eh what?! *Falls over*
Emmy: Hey guys- *Sees Casper*
Aaron: BITCHES AND HOOOES-
Emmy: *Screams*

Lily: You think you could do that in a more private place?!
Casper: I was hidden by a bunch of logs, how private does it need to be?!

Emmy: *Sitting there unnoticed*
Casper: *Rape face* Why hello there…*Drugs Emmy*
Emmy: Oh…hey Casper…*Falls on comforter*
Casper: *Evil laugh as he walks closer*
Wal-Mart Gang: *Wide eyes*
Shamis: Duuuuuude-
Casper: Ha ha ha….ahem… *Walks into sports center*


BOREDOM

Lance: *Sleeping*
Luna: *Watching Lance*
Lance: *Opens eye and sees Luna* HOLY JESUS!

Luna: I feel bad that I couldn’t protect you…
Lance: Protect me? It’s not your job to protect me.
Luna: W-what?
Lance: I need to protect you. Danielle said she’d hurt you. I can’t let that happen.
Luna: (How sweet...)
Lance: But it is your job to get me a sandwich. Move woman!

Luna: There is nine of us…and one of her.
Lance: You seemed to forget the million shadows under her command…

Aaron: *Wakes up* Do you guys ever sleep?
Lance: Well no. We’re much too busy.
Aaron: Busy doing- No…never mind…

Luna: I have nightmares…
Lance: Well, sleep on me. When you get one, I’ll wake you up.
Luna: On you…?
Lance: I mean with me.
Luna: What-
Lance: I said sleep by me.

Luna: *Having nightmares*
Lance: *Shakes Luna* Luna…wake up.
Luna: *Freaks out and cuts Lance* HOLY SHIT!

Luna: Go to sleep.
Lance: Uh…ok…
Luna: Now.
Lance: Goodnight…
Luna: *Irritated* Goodnight.
Lance: Love you…
Luna: Love you too. NOW GO TO SLEEP!


MEETING THE OTHER REBELS

Lily: *Drawing people*
Emmy: *Starts to sing*
Lily: *Eye twitch, keeps drawing*
Emmy: FRIDAY FRIDAY-
Lily: DUDE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Lily: *Drawing all of the rebels naked*
Wal-Mart Gang: *Watching through security camera*

Lily: This topic failed. It was Emmy taking the whole thing about her, and I didn't meet anyone.
Pan: Ignorant-
Quinn: Fool.


BEGINNING

Lance: Who are you?
Luna: RAPE! *Runs away*
Narrator: Wait… What the fuck?

Lance: I’m not an enemy!
Narrator: Well no fucking duh. Luna, recognize Lance already.
Luna: I’ve heard that before.
Narrator: W-what? (My brain is full of fuck…)
Lance: I’m Lance Gunn. Who are you?
Narrator: ARE YOU HIGH?! You’ve been making out with her since December!
Luna: Luna Star, bitch. Now cut the fucking bullshit and get the fuck out of my face.
Narrator: …WHAT THE FUCK- *Explodes*

Lance: Want to be allies?
Narrator: You guys are already fuck buddies!
Lance: Who are you?
Narrator: I am the omnipresent voice trying to figure this damn paradox!

Luna: I’d love to be allies. I’ve already killed my other ones.
Lance: That’s horrible! The world is going extinct and you’re killing your allies?!
Luna: Yes. I sit in my Wal-Mart and kill all of those people who try to rape me.
Lance: Er, ok? Here, come to my sexy base…

Lance: *Shows Luna a pine tree*
Luna: That’s it?
Lance: I live with a colony of squirrels! *Overly cute squirrels start frolicking around Lance*
Casper: *Runs up and slashes the shit out of the squirrels*

Narrator: Casper, please tell me I’m not stuck in the Twilight Zone…
Casper: How do you know my name?! Fucking stalker! *Runs away*

Luna: *Walking with Lance*
Lance: So… This is our home? *Standing in front of the Wal-Mart*
Luna: As long as you don’t try to take advantage of me.
Lance: I doubt I’ll try.
Narrator: Are you fucking kidding me?!

Lance: *Super hyper*
Luna: You don’t seem like the kind to survive the Apocalypse…
Lance: I’m the toughest 12 year old there is!
Luna: And I’m the 15 year old that will be your fake mom, I guess.
Narrator: *Gags* CRADLE ROBBER!
Luna: Cradle robber? How so?
Narrator: You and Lance! That’s disgusting!
Luna: Me and Lance? Don’t be ridiculous!
Narrator: And I always thought you were 15! Your creation template said so!
Lance: No, I’m twelve.
Narrator: *Notices the edit tag* You changed it so you could fuck Luna!
Luna and Lance: …WHAT?

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA POST* (Post corresponds with dialogue)
“Luna laughed. “I’m not one to use a gun.” She gestured to her sword. “I like these better.” She coughed a bit, blood coming out onto her hand.” ~Luna Star
Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Lance: What’s wrong?
Luna: It’s nothing. I just haven’t lost all my baby teeth and one popped out. I’ve been waiting for this one. I wonder if I put it under my pillow the Tooth Fairy will come. Then I can capture her and ask her to change the world back.
Lance: The Tooth Fairy? I doubt she exists.
Luna: DON’T SAY THAT! Then she won’t come.

Lance: Wait, you’re 15 and you have baby teeth?
Luna: Yes?
Lance: And you believe in the Tooth Fairy?
Luna: *Takes out sword* What did I tell you?

Luna: How was life before the Apocalypse?
Lance: My dad died when I was born, my brother died at war, and my mom was eaten by shadows.
Luna: Sad.
Lance: What about you?
Luna: My twin died at birth, I lived in an apartment when we moved from London to here, they were killed and I burned their bodies. Then I found the Wal-Mart and lived with a bunch of perverts until I killed them all savagely.
Lance: *Wide eyed* Tragic.
Narrator: Why are there never any HAPPY back-stories?!

Luna: Well, you get to sit outside and watch for shadows.
Lance: *Makes doors heat censored*
Luna: Or not…

Luna: What would you like to eat?
Narrator: Your- *Shot*
Lance: *Holding revolver* Some soup, please.

Luna: *Staring at Lance as he is eating*
Lance: Erm…
Luna: Yes?
Narrator: (Please make out! Please not let this be some kind of time glitch!)
Lance: It’s kind of awkward with you watching me eat…
Narrator: SHIT!

Luna: I like staring at people. It brings me comfort.
Lance: Well then look all you want. Looking is free. *Creeped out a little bit*
Luna: I’ve never met anybody like you…
Narrator: *Crosses fingers*
Lance: Same here.
Luna: Really?
Lance: Yeah…
Luna: *Leans in*
Narrator: YES! GOD YES!
Lance: So, where do we sleep here?
Narrator: FUCK!

Luna: So you’ll be staying here?
Lance: Yes, we should make a group of survivors and stop shadows forever!
Luna: K
Lance: …K? That’s all you have to say? This is an epic rant moment! This is where fanboys memorize long speeches!
Luna: Er, we should be called the Rebel Survivors.
Lance: K
Luna: You just said-
Ashton Kutcher: *Runs out* Narrator, you’ve been punk’d!
Narrator: THANK GOD!

Lance: *Wakes up* What a lovely and weird memory…
Narrator: *Slaps Lance and Luna* You bitches scared me shitless!
Wal-Mart Gang: *Wakes up*
Narrator: CASPER! *Hugs Casper*
Casper: What-
Narrator: SHAMIS! *Throws Casper away and tackles Shamis*
Aaron: Sleepy, are you okay-?
Narrator: AARON! *Glomps Aaron*
Jean: What zee fuck are you doing, Meester?
Narrator: Jean! Rose! Sunny-
Sunny: LOLLIPOPS!
Narrator: Lily, Emmy!
Emmy: *Screams*
Narrator: LEYSHA! *Hugs Leysha, gun falls to ground*
Lance: MY GUN! *Steals gun and runs away*


GOING OUT SECRETLY

Lance: *Wakes up from paradox dream* I really need to get out more… *Looks at Luna and leaves* (I hope she doesn’t follow…)
Luna: *Opens one eye with haunted music*

Lance: *Looks up at Windbreak Hotel* Well this should be a safe place to explore in the dead of night.
Luna: What are you doing?
Lance: *Whirs around* Why do you always stalk me?!
Luna: I don’t stalk my crushes! *Has a vision* Who do you think I am, Reuben Callus?!
Lance: Who?
Luna: Nevermind…

Lance: I’m looking for a Keeper.
Luna: Why? Those brutes would kill you!
Lance: We killed Mallix and Road… twice. It shouldn’t be a problem.
Luna: Because we have to kill those two all the time for the plot.
Lance: So? Those two are the biggest.
Luna: *Leans in close* Sleeps is probably still mad from when he got pranked on national television.

Elites: *Start firing embers at them*
Luna: *Hair catches on fire*
Elite 1: Oh shit!
Luna: OH HELL NAW!

Lance: *Kills Elites before Luna could*
Luna: But I wanted to do it!
Lance: Well too bad, because I am the main character-
Luna: FALCON PAWNCH! *Bitch slaps Lance*

Lance and Luna: *Exploring Hotel*
Lance: *Sees bloodstained doll in rocking chair*
Luna: Ew…
Lance: Creepy fucking doll.
Luna: A what?
Lance: It’s a creepy fucking doll.
Luna and Lance: *Walk past bloodstained sex toy*

Lance: *Picks up note*
Note: Today, while staying at the Hotel, I was brutally murdered by a group of shadows, my pain searing like a hot pan meeting skin. My flesh was ripped off my bones leaving ugly strikes of red, revealing my muscles and bones as I cried out desperately for my mother. My eyes bled red pain, never to know the light of day again as they were slashed out. My stomach was slowly cut as the black monsters dumped their heads into my body and feasted on my organs like a free for all buffet. My life flashed before me, but not all the kind things. It was all the guilt and sins I have ever committed, leaving me with a horrible feeling of regret. It hurt my heart more than the Parashadow that was crushing it in his claws, spraying the blood all over the room and all over the people as they watched hopelessly. I couldn’t see how they cared, as I watched my life in a horrible display of anger and pain. All of the things I would never get to say and all the things I’d never take back as my final shriek escaped me and I died lonely and cold. FML.
Lance: HOLY SHIT SLEEPYYAWN!
Narrator: What?
Lance: The actually diary entry was barely half a sentence and not graphic at all!
Narrator: Oh, oops?

Luna: Ha, it’s not that creepy… *Picks up doll*
Doll: *Head turns around and eyes roll to back of head*
Lance: Yeah… not creepy at all.

Doll: *Starts chasing Lance around room*
Luna: *Chops Doll’s head off*
Narrator: FATALITY- Shit! *Gets owned by Possessor coming out*

Luna: *Kills Possessor*
Lance: Well that was dandy. *Puts note in pocket* Next room?
Luna: Why are you taking that note with you?
Lance: I want to scare the noobs on WCC.

Lance and Luna: *Walk in*
Lance: Hey look, the TV is on!
Luna: *Turns it off* I hate that static noise.
Lance: Strange… the TV wasn’t even plugged in.
Luna: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN’T PLUGGED IN?!
Lance: Well, there can’t be a Possessor inside the television…
Narrator: *Scared shitless*

Lance and Luna: *Walk into the next room*
Luna: *Sees half of a body of a little boy on the floor, slowly rotting*
Lance: Well, time to FUCKING GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Lance and Luna: *Walking to the next room*
Lance: *Hears a scream* It’s coming from the next room! We got to help whatever it is!
Luna: Really? Fucking A….

Lance: *Walks into the bathroom*
Luna: Hey, is it a new survivor- SHIT!
Lance and Luna: *Looking at blood stained walls with a newly decapitated body in the tub*

Luna and Lance: *Walk into room*
Luna: Hey, it isn’t some really gory scene!
Lance: I wonder what kind of shit is going to happen.
Luna: *Picks up wallet* Hey, this guy is kind of cute… His name is John Barker…
Lance: Yeah whatever…
Luna: *Picks up note*
Note: We’re all fucked. Bury me behind the Hotel. ~John Barker.
Luna: Damn it…

Luna: *Races up the stairs*
Lance: *Tries to keep up*
Luna: Finally! The second floor- *Throws up all over Lance*
Lance: What is it- Aw shit.
Lance and Luna: *Standing in room covered in blood and John Barker’s body parts*

Lance and Luna: *Fighting Shadow Spiders and Leeches*
Luna: I think John was right…
Lance: Fuck John!
Luna: Well if you insist…
Lance: No, that’s not what I mean! Remember when we met?
Narrator: That was horrible…
Luna: Well, kind of…
Lance: Well I wanted to- Hey, what’s that? *Walks over to pictures*
Luna: They’re recent…
Lance: Damn shadows…
Luna: Lance… I don’t think shadows know how to take a picture…

Lance: Meaning that someone else did it?
Loki: That would be me!
Luna: It’s a half-blood!
Lance: Zathe?
Loki: No, fool!
Luna: …Danielle?
Loki: *Facepalm*

Loki: I am your killer!
Luna: Are you trying to tell me you’re going to kill me?
Loki: Well… yes. Yes I am.
Luna: Then do it!
Loki: Well… ok… *Throws a shuriken into Luna’s stomach*
Luna: SHIT! *Falls over*

Lance: *Throws Luna out window and jumps next to her*
Narrator: That topic was horrifying…
Luna: You’re such a pussy, Sleepy.
Narrator: At least I'm not a Cradle Robber!
Luna: What?
Narrator: Lance is 12, you're 15.
Luna: I was 12 when I met him, dude.
Narrator: Wait... What?
Luna: Damn it Sleepy!
WatchingShadows: CYS FUCKED UP! *Starts mauling Narrator with a scythe*
Loki: *Watching from window* That's... BRUTAL!
WatchingShadows: *Stands with bloody scythe* Fukken sterile.



CONTINUATION OF LANCE GOING OUT WHERE STUFF HAPPENED AND OH GOD LUNA IS INJURED THIS HAPPENS TO MUCH STUPID HALF-BLOOD LOKI OH SHOOT GAVE AWAY THE END OF THE TOPIC SORRY NOT THAT YOU’D CARE ANYHOW I AM JUST GONNA GO BYE

Lance: HELP! EVERYONE PLEASE!
Luna: I just have a shuriken piercing a major organ; its fine…

Luna: I’ve almost died a lot of times, don’t worry.
Lance: What do you mean?!
Luna: I kind of lived with a bunch of pedophiles before killing them all…?
Lance: Ah…

Narrator: *ACTUAL ATA DIALOUGE*
Lance: It is okay. I was the one who dragged you out there.
Luna: No. I came willingly. You were doing your own thing. I’m just a creepy stalker.
Lance: Stalker of her boyfriend? Is that possible?
Luna: I’m pretty sure I saw something like that on the TV. But the woman was afraid her husband was cheating.
Lance: So… Are you afraid I’m cheating?
Luna: With whom? Danielle? Lily? Emmy? Nah. I don’t think you would do that. Or at least the way things are going, you wouldn’t do that until I die.

Lance and Luna: *Having moment*
Wal-Mart Gang: *Sighs*
Aaron: I can’t wait until this site grows and there are more than just one couple hogging the spotlight 24/7…
Luna: *Has a vision* Ha and you won’t be with anybody.